Dear Addiction,
Let me start by telling you this: I hate you. I hate you more than anything or anyone I've ever come across in my life. You are the most despicable, diabolical, unrelenting, insidious illness there is. Don't get me wrong, I hate diseases like cancer, too. But I really hate you, because you are the ultimate "family disease." Not only do you get your claws into the addict and refuse to let go, you get your claws into everyone who loves and cares about the addict and try to take them down, too. You don't care how many people you ruin and hurt.
You also rob the addict and their loved ones of so many things. So I decided to make a list of the things you took from me, and here's what I came up with…
My Child's Innocence
As soon as my son took his first hit off a joint, he was hooked on self-medicating. Nothing doctors had prescribed him for his depression seemed to make a difference. But getting high made him feel normal. Because of that, my son went from being an innocent teenager to being a drug addict in one fell swoop.
Expectations
When he was growing up, I had expectations about the kinds of things my son would accomplish in early adulthood. They weren't especially lofty dreams - just the kinds of things every parent expects their child to do. Things like graduating from high school, attending college, and getting a good job so they can be independent. But you ruined those expectations. Because of you, my son hasn't done any of those things.
Trust
I thought I would always be able to trust my son. But as soon as he became addicted to drugs, that trust went out the window. It didn't take long until everything that came out of my son's mouth was a lie. He even started stealing from me, my wife, and his little brother. If it had value and wasn't locked up, chances were pretty good that my son would either sell it or trade it for drugs. It didn't matter who it belonged to.
Money
It wasn't just the monetary value of things my son stole from us that we lost. We also lost most of our finances because our insurance barely covered any of the costs associated with rehab. Rehab is incredibly expensive, and our son didn't go just once. Or twice. Or three times. Our son went to rehab four times. Could we have saved money by not sending him to treatment? Absolutely. But we were trying to save our son.
Friends
Like it or not, many people still think addiction is something that only happens to people with some kind of moral failing. Because of that, I lost a bunch of friends as soon as word got out that my son had a drug problem. People no longer wanted to associate with a family like mine.
Love
As much as I hate to admit it, there have been times over the years where I have actually stopped loving my son because of his addiction. It's not something I'm proud of, but you make things so damn hard that sometimes it's easier to hate the addict than it is to love them. How does it feel to have so much power, you son of a bitch?
You suck, addiction. I know you know how much pain and suffering you inflict on people. You just don't care. And that's just another reason why I hate you so much.
I hope you rot in hell someday.
Sincerely,
Ryan Elliott
